The Killers of Collaboration

If you thought COLLABORATION was easy before COVID-19 hit our workforce; then, I bet you currently feel like a tidal wave just slammed you into a brick wall! On the flip side, if you are like me, you feel like you have been staring at that brick wall forever trying to determine how to scale it and get to the other side.

For those of you in Camp #1 – message me because I want to know the secrets you held pre-COVID!!!

Either way, today we are all facing the universal challenge of how to drive more effective and meaningful collaboration in our teams, and how to become more skilled collaborators on the team. We are not surrounded by our colleagues, friends or the brain-power that typically helped us work through stuff. We are behind our screens, dealing with more emails than ever before; but, desperately wanting to make a positive impact.

Googling “collaboration” brings up pages of articles, to-do lists, and how-to’s on generating this so-called key ingredient to successful teams. In Amazon’s Book Department, there are over 10,000 results for “collaboration”. And, if you surveyed the HR teams of the Fortune 100, they would invariably confirm that collaboration skills are part of their annual review process.

If there was ever a doubt in your mind as to the relevance and truth of the concept, these stats should squash it.

Given the volumes of information available on the topic, one post seemed to diminish the importance collaboration plays in our lives, both personally and professionally. This is the first (of three) in the series on the topic. The series will cover:

Fundamental Reasons WHY Collaboration is so difficult

WHERE Lack of Collaboration Impacts us Negatively

HOW to get beyond the hurdles and achieve success with collaboration

Before I dive into the WHY today, I’d like to reconnect with my friends at Merriam-Webster. They say, collaboration means:

• to work jointly with others or together, especially in an intellectual endeavor

• to cooperate with or willingly assist an enemy of one’s country and especially an occupying force

• to cooperate with an agency or instrumentality with which one is not immediately connected

• Latin: ‘with, together, jointly’ + ‘to labor’

The insights gleaned from the meanings alone are important; as each are at play in all of our organizations. We work as teams, together, to try and build something that is better than the status quo. Certainly, this involves working with people who we don’t know / don’t like / don’t treat us equitably. And, when we are designing for bigger picture solutions, this means we need to be engaged with people who are not on our immediate teams and don’t share the immediate common goal.

What strikes me most though, is the Latin root: to labor. Related words are: grind, drudgery, toil, effort, strain. The visual images that flood my mind are those associated with manufacturing pre-industrial revolution. AKA: HARD WORK.

Sounds terrible, right?! Don’t run for the hills yet though! Two silver linings, to keep you with me.

• You can toss the guilt in the trash, because it isn’t easy and therefore no one gets it right on the first try.

• Good things come to those who WORK HARD.

If you read my post “8 Actionable Ways to Increase your Success”, then you know I don’t offer easy, overnight fixes. Similarly, my perspective on why collaboration is so hard, connects to our fundamental human nature – which is also not something easy to change. Areas of our personalities that are known challenges and we work on daily, total blind spots, or things we know but don’t really want to address.

The short list of what I am intimating: PRIDE. ANGER. JEALOUSY. FEAR.

This could be the point you throw in the towel, because who wants to deal with this stuff. And I fully commiserate, as I have personally struggled with these issues. At times during my career, I have allowed my pride and fear of failure to take center-stage. The results were far from successful and collaborative: the team around me didn’t trust me, never sought my input, and had little to no interest in working together. The worst of it, I didn’t even want to work with myself! So, I’m not the person who will accuse you of not addressing these fundamentals.

The reason we must talk about these issues has NOTHING to do with fixing them. It has EVERYTHING to do with understanding how these characteristics can impact others and impact their willingness to team up.

There are two vantage points to observe, as we consider how our human nature influences collaboration in a team:

INWARD REFLECTING OUTWARD:

The sum of my feelings, fears and motivators impact what I say and do.

PRIDE: if I am someone who has overly high self-regard, this could outwardly come off as I have no interest in rolling up my sleeves and getting my hands dirty. I may delegate more tasks to others and I might not fully immerse myself in projects.

ANGER: if I am someone who carries around a disproportionate amount of bitterness, it manifests itself when I lash out towards a teammate when they didn’t complete their half of the project. I may be prone to blame others more, and less likely to forgive. I may SHOUT IN MY EMAILS to try and get a point across.

JEALOUSY: if I’m one who never feels like they’ve received what is deserved, I will always be the person who is out to prove myself better, take the credit and not share information. I probably will never offer tips and tricks of how I was able to succeed, and will definitely not tell you how not to set off the boss. You are on your own with that one!

FEAR: Fear of failure is likely the biggest driver all of the above personalities revealing themselves in the work place. It can drive us to say and do the unthinkable.

Important to note, none of these have anything to do with the people around us. It has everything to do with us. How we feel. So, the next time you start to feel these emotions, press the pause button. Think about the fundamental reason why you feel this way. Then consider if the way you are planning to execute is going to elicit the collaboration you want with your colleagues.

So here you are, thinking about your feelings, being mindful about how you allow those feelings to sway what comes out of your mouth. You feel positive about this new way of doing things. You are at the top of your game now. Check mark. Smiles. Like a breath of fresh air. And then…..the wind is sucked right out of your sails, during one conversation with a coworker. A call that should have been brief, simple, and smooth as butter with you new methods of sliding all these bad emotions out of the way. What the heck happened?

The second vantage point. The other person. And, all we know about them is what they portray outwardly.

OUTWARD MIRRORING INWARD

We will never know exactly what is going on inside; however, some actions can give us clues. Start paying attention. Not for the sake of calling them out on it. The last thing that will get partnership out of an egotist is telling them that their pride is getting in the way! If you understand who someone is, it can help you change your approach.

PRIDE riddles the colleague that oozes confidence and self-importance. This is the person who is consistently late to meetings, and takes no notes for follow up. They are less likely to jump onto the teamwork bandwagon. Drop your own pride, make solutions their idea and focused on their goals. Come prepared to bear their load.

ANGER seeps out of the person who is calling you one minute after the meeting has started, to check if you are joining. Or the person that seems to erupt with annoyance before you have finished your sentence. Their mental/emotional garbage cans are overflowing. Doesn’t matter how small of a problem you bring to the table, all the trash will spill out. Before talking about the task at hand, ask them how they are doing, or what is vexing them the most. You might get insight on some of the challenges the organization can address. Or you might find common ground.

JEALOUSY prevents information sharing and teamwork in general. Information is power. Bring new information to the table first, before asking for it of others. Demonstrate how you are of value to the other person and you will gain their trust.

FEAR of failure consumes the perfectionist. This is the one in the group that never asks for help, never delegates and nitpicks the details. They also may not be comfortable putting their name on something, or sticking their neck out on an audacious goal. Let them lead, ask for specific expectations, repeat what you have heard them say so they have confidence you are on the same page.

Fundamentally, the challenge in collaboration, or working with other people, is people! It is because of who I am and your perception of me; and because of who you are and my perception of you. The solution to better collaboration lies inside of people as well. It means we invest a bit more time in understanding the person on the other side of the table, and appreciate them regardless. And then it takes replacing some of our own tendencies with new ones. It takes practice, like anything. My goal is to practice the following:

HUMILITY. PATIENCE. KINDNESS. COURAGE.

Join me in the practice, and let’s get ready to talk where lack of collaboration hits us the hardest.